i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Randomize
