just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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