Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
