I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
