I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
