He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
