I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
not ubering you a puppy
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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