Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
