Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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