She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
