I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
