No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
