I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
