My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
