I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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