Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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