well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
