Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
