So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
