Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
