i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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