Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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