We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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