Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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