i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
