are you so shy because you have an std?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
