He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
