I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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