ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
