i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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