Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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