M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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