that's an acceptable place to lick
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
