i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
