We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
