It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize