Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
