How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Every concussion has its silver lining
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
