downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
