One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
