Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
