sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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