Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
