Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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