Well douche your snatch and let's go!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
