her vagine was all disorganized.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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