then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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