what day is it and did you see me today?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
