you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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