you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
