i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
