Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
